In this post You will get clear about the ONE thing that matters in how to touch a woman, so she will feel loved and adored. It’s the element that makes The Difference between :
1. Grabbing And Conscious Touching
2. Using Her As A Tool To Quench Your Desire And Approach Her With Awe And Admiration
3. An Alcoholic And A Sommelier *
(*metaphorically speaking )
My Beginnings of Erring In The Dark While Exploring My Sexuality
When I look back at my first sexual experiences in my twenties, I feel like I was in complete darkness and couldn’t find the damn light, no matter what I did.
Little did I know about how my body works, how I like to be touched, how he likes to be touched, how to express what I was feeling, how to express my desires, my likes and dislikes.
A painful mix of lack of knowledge, unrealistic expectations created by the Hollywood movies, shame and guilt inspired by the religious upbringing and the unhappy marriage of my parents made me have a love – hate relationship with my own sexuality and everything related to it.
13 years later, I am still discovering, exploring, asking questions, reading loads of books, talking to many men and women about this, whenever I have a chance.
And I know there are millions of teenagers and young men and women who, in spite the information overload via Internet, movies & books about sexuality, feel like they are in the dark, guessing and feeling awful when they make mistakes.
So I’ve decided to start sharing what I’ve learned in the last 10 years about this subject, from my own life experience, books, workshops and so on.
I would like to start with the 3 most important things that can turn her on or off, depending on how You do them.
I’ve wondered and asked myself, by being very present and aware in my interactions with men, why do I sometimes feel so good, and why do I sometimes feel weird, and reluctant, like closing off.
When it comes to intimate touch, not necessarily sexual intercourse, but everything on the way and around it, there are subtle signals that are sent from one to the other, in every second, with every touch, with every breath.
And I’ve noticed that there is ONE element that makes The Differences between the “good” and the “bad” approach. The 3 mentioned above, are just a few examples, but this ONE element makes the whole difference in all the other aspects of an intimate encounter.
This element is Not about:
- learning certain strokes
- a sequence of moves
- or I don’t know what other anatomical and technical details.
Sure, it helps to know a bit about the human body anatomy, but that is a minor element in the puzzle, IMHO :).
The One thing that makes ALL the difference resides in Yourself and it is Your ability to Be Present.
It sounds like zen teaching, be-in-the -Now-be-Present, but it is True.
From my experience, it makes ALL the difference.
Your inner state, Your Presence, the way You feel inside when You touch her, tells Her body way more than the physical touch itself.
The Woman can feel Your inner state and She will react to it more than anything else.
No matter what you will Say or Do, she will respond to the unconscious signals that she picks up from your body language, from your vibration, the tone of your voice.
Even if You don’t say a thing, She will read You like an open book. She will read You from the way
….You look at her
….You Hold her hand
….You Hug her
….You Kiss her
….You are resting in Silence with Her.
All those can make her feel wonderful or used.
And the difference is so subtle that, especially in the beginning of your sex life, when You don’t have too much experience, You might miss it many times before You get It.
I would like to spare You and Her from some of the confusion and suffering that comes with the trials and errors of exploring your sexuality.
So let’s take them one by one.
1. The Difference Between Grabbing And Conscious Touching
Just like a hungry man, who grabs the slices of a pizza without thinking or paying attention to it, a man consumed by his sexual desire can’t enjoy and savour the beauty of the woman’s body.
There is a saying that you can tell how a man makes love by the way he eats his dinner.
I don’t know how true this is, but for sure there are some similarities in between eating and making love.
Think of being really hungry and eating a whole pizza without noticing the flavours and textures of the ingredients.
Now think of being not so hungry, but just enough to want the pizza. And You are taking your time to first enjoy the delicious flavours, then admire the colours displayed in front of You, the beauty of the red and green peppers combined with the cherry tomatoes, the mushrooms and the mozzarella, the fresh basil or oregano.
Then taking your time to chew and enjoy each slice, stopping from time to time to enjoy the sensations that run through your body, the taste, the smell, the colours….Hmmm, I feel like ordering a pizza now, but I won’t! Stay with me, don’t go rushing ordering one now! 🙂
Back to the purpose of my whole Pizza metaphor: in the description above, replace it with a woman’s wonderful body, and you get my point 🙂
2. The Difference Between Using Her As A Tool To Quench Your Desire And Approach Her With Awe And Admiration
I often wondered what made the difference in between feeling admired and treasured by my partner’s touch and feeling just…huh, used by him. Sad, I know, but this is how it sometimes felt for me.
Just like in the pizza analogy, if a man is consumed by his desire he loses his being in the present moment. Because he is following only his instincts, his approach becomes shallow or aggressive or simply boring.
Lost in his own mind, insecurities or urges he doesn’t pay attention to the miracle that awaits for him, and that’s the Woman in front of him.
The whole of that woman, her body, her soul, her mind.
I felt like opening up to my partner when I could feel he was truly admiring my body, and that he enjoyed himself in discovering every inch of it.
When I felt his honest and deep desire to discover me, to feel me, to explore me, without any rush or secret agenda in mind.
And I felt used, minimised, uncomfortable when I could feel he was not completely present in the moment, when he was lost in his head or in his desire, when he was rushing, doing things like foreplay just to “get over and done with it” and get to the “important” thing.
And I know, it takes a good level of maturity, of one knowing his body and himself well enough to not let himself get lost in the moment.
Or if that happens to observe it, state it and come back.
When You are honest about what is happening in the moment You can’t go wrong.
Because rushing and losing Yourself in the mind comes only when fighting what is, when not accepting where you are, moment by moment.
3. The Difference Between an Alcoholic and a Sommelier
To continue with the analogies in the realm of eating and drinking, think about how an alcoholic drinks and how a sommelier does the same thing (a sommelier is an expert in wines)
One is only interested in the effect that he gets after drinking, no matter the drink, one is interested in all the nuances and subtleties of the wine.
One pours it up his neck, the other takes his time to smell, savour and feel every nuance of the wine.
Apparently we talk about the same process: drinking wine. Apparently we talk about the same process: touching a woman’s body.
There are millions of nuances and subtleties in which these actions can be performed, and the core difference lies in the presence and the intentions of the one performing them.
Wrapping Up – How To Touch A Woman
It might not seem so obvious on the outside, but have no doubt, the woman will feel each and every one of your actions with her completely different: she will feel adored, appreciated, loved if You will be Present with her, or used, dismissed, not loved, if You will get lost in your mind or your desires.
How do You choose from now on to eat your pizza, drink your wine or touch your partner’s body?
Conscious or unconscious, present or lost in the mind, rushing to an end or savouring each and every second?
If You found this post helpful or You want to share from Your experience, let me know in the comments bellow.
If you know a friend who might like this post too, spread the love on any channel you prefer: Facebook, G+, Twitter, email.
With all my love,
PS: You are Fine, just the way You are Now! 🙂