What If Almost Everything You Know About Sex Is False? – Myth 1 – Orgasm

Before talking about orgasm I would like you to take a second and think about this: where did you get your sexual education from?

And how do you know that everything you’ve been taught is real? 

Remember that for centuries people thought the Earth was flat and that it was in the center of the Universe?

Along our history many other-now -seen-as-crazy-or-stupid- ideas were generally admitted as the Truth.

Have you ever wondered how many of your current beliefs and ideas about life, sexuality, money, relationships, food are real?

 

How Do You Know That Your Ideas About Sex Are True?

 

Let’s talk about sexuality in particular. You probably gathered information about it from TV, books, your best friends, your anatomy class and so on. 

Maybe your mother and father gave you the talk about the birds and the bees. 🙂 Or they never even brought up the subject and you had to figure it out on your own?

Then, when you were old enough, you started figuring things out through direct experience, the trial and error way.

In the western side of the world, I think there are 3 major influences that tailored more or less your view about sex:

1. religious/ sex is a sin, it is only used for having children and that’s it. No sex before marriage and after that once you have the children you start living like brother and sister.

2. hippie/ free love, free sex, from the 70’s inspiration.

3. medicine/ sex is healthy, is a natural act between men and women. But beware of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Then there is the pop culture, the soap operas, the romantic movies, the adult porn industry, the sex magazines, the Internet.

You are surrounded and bombarded by millions of advertising messages that use sex as a tool to sell you everything, from tooth paste to cigarettes or chocolate.

So you don’t really have the time and space to pause and reflect.

And to ask yourself some questions like:

“Is this really true?”

“How do I know this is true?”

“Are there any other different ways to do this?”

“Is this really good for me and my body?”

“How do I really feel about this?”

I am talking here about sex but I would suggest to apply this to everything else in your life.

Instead of being on an automatic pilot and saying “yes, I agree with this!” or “no, I don’t agree, this is bullshit!” try the middle way of taking some time to consult with yourself, and put a healthy doubt on it.

No matter how big of an expert one is and no matter how many people already agreed with an idea you still have the option and responsibility of judging it on your own.

Let’s take the sex myths I mentioned in this previous article.

You don’t have to take my word for it, or the word of the tantric experts I used as a reference.

I actually ask you not to take my word on anything.

By all means question everything you read here. But besides your judging, which comes from the mind, ask also your heart and your body.

Filter this information not only with your brilliant mind but also with your wonderful heart and body.

Then go on  looking for and trying out what works best for you.

I am only sharing what I have found that doesn’t work or that does work for me and for other people who shared their experiences through books, workshops and so on.

In the end, the only one to decide for yourself is You. And yes, you are awesome!

So let’s talk more in depth about the no. 1 myth in my list.

Myth 1 – Orgasm is the release of a build up energy, it takes effort and is the main purpose of making love (besides procreation, of course).

There are 3 major points about orgasm here:

1. it is the release of a build up energy

2. it takes effort to achieve it

3. it is the main purpose of making love (besides procreation)

For many years I thought this must be the Truth. And then when I found myself making love in a very relaxed way, I’ve experienced something different.

Instead of a short burst of build up energy and tension, as exciting and pleasurable as that is 🙂 I’ve found myself vibrating with my whole body for minutes in a row.

No explosion, no energy released outside but directed inwards through my whole body. I didn’t even know if I could call that an orgasm. So I looked for answers. 

The Differences Between Orgasm and Orgasmic or

Peak and Valley Orgasms

Did you know that there is another type of orgasm besides the “peak orgasm?” It is called the “valley orgasm”. 

The peak orgasm is the one that we most often experience during conventional sex.

It is the one that we look for, and chase for while having sex.

To arrive at it we usually need to invest a lot of physical effort.

It involves a lot of energy build up, tension in the body and repeated mechanical movements.

Because of the tension the energy gets stuck in the genital area. It’s duration is measured in seconds. The energy is discharged down and out of the body.

The very pleasurable feelings in the body while the energy is released are most often followed by a sensation of lost energy. And the desire to continue disappears.

The man might feel angry, restless or disconnected from his woman. The woman might feel abandoned, lonely, sad or depressed.

The valley orgasm, as experienced by people who have been exploring tantric approach for years, comes from relaxation. It involves less doing, and more feeling and being in the moment.

There is no chasing. Every moment is enjoyed for itself. The movements are very slow so the bodies are relaxed.

Because there is no tension the energy is free to expand in other parts of the body.

It’s duration can be anything from a few moments to a few hours. It’s more a sustained state, a timeless experience without a specific start or finish.

The energy is expanding inwards and throughout the body. The hormones released during sex are nurturing the brain and the master pituitary and pineal glands.

The feelings associated with the orgasmic state are ecstatic peace, an expanded state of consciousness.

Simple Steps to Take Immediately

1. Observe yourself in the afterward

Try not to fall into the duality trap, and consider peak orgasm is bad, and valley orgasm is good. Like the sides of a coin they actually exist together. Like climbing a mountain, you can’t get to a peak without starting in a valley.

There is no intrisic good or bad, wright or wrong in your love making. It’s your body that will tell you what is good for you, if you only listen to it.

An effective and practical way to discern what is good for you and what isn’t is to observe yourself right after you’ve finished making love. The tantric teachers recommend this as a powerful tool to transform your love making.

Be aware of the feelings and emotions that you experience after. Is there connection or disconnection? Is there joy or sadness? What does it reflect and say about the way you’ve just made love?

By observing without judging you will be able to transform your love making in a natural, organic way. And not because someone else told you to do it.

2. Forget About Orgasm

Another powerful step you can take right away, is to change your thoughts about orgasm.

As you begin making love, do something unusual and forget about orgasm.

I’ve already tried this and I can tell you I’ve noticed a huge interior transformation. By forgetting about orgasm, there is no more pressure, no more chasing, no more tension in the body.

There might not be very obvious changes on the outside at first, but on a subtle level you will feel a lot more relaxed, receptive, and aware of what’s going on in your body.

You will notice that the more you relax into every moment everything changes. Even if your partner has no idea about tantra and is not really keen into experiencing this.

If you relax deeply into your feminine essence and become more receptive and aware, you will create a new and different space.

For the women this approach comes more naturally, it is more in tune with the way the feminine energy is by it’s nature. Men might find this a bit more difficult, at least in the beginning and if they don’t have any knowledge about tantric principle.

My advice is to have an open, easy going, relaxed, fun approach about this.

Talk to your partner about wanting to experience something new, give and ask feed back, have fun, don’t take it too seriously.

 

Wrapping up

Start questioning your ideas about the things that matter in your life. Whether it’s money, relationships or sexuality ask yourself these questions:

“Is this really true?”, “How do I know this is true?”, “Are there any other different ways to do this?”, “Is this really good for me and my body?”, “How do I really feel about this?”.

Take into consideration the information about the different types of orgasm you’ve just read about.

Check with yourself how you feel about this information and see if you’ve ever experienced something similar.

Is there anything that you resonate with?

Is there anything that annoys you or pushes your buttons? Either way be open and observe your thoughts, your reactions.

Take the 2 steps to start playing and experiencing new ways of making love: 1. observe yourself after sex and 2. forget about orgasm when you enter sex.

Be aware, relax, have fun, trust your body and your feelings.