“Honey, I love you. You are awesome!
I am here to support you in whatever you want to achieve!
You are a wonderful, loving, smart, emphatic, funny, unique, amazing human being and I am very grateful to have you in my life!”
This is my message to you, lovely!
What was your first reaction to these words?
-you’ve heard them when you were very young, even before your birth,
– you have been loved and nurtured in those critical periods of time before you even began to speak…
-then you will totally believe me and say: “Yeah, thanks, I feel like this!”
-you didn’t receive the love when you were developing your brain before birth;
-you lived traumatic events when you were in the womb, at birth and in the first 1-2 years of your life then…
-you might say: “Yeah, right! I am not that great. I don’t really feel it”.
Are you running on an empty cup?
You might be if deep down, imprinted in your body is that lack of love. If you didn’t receive the loving care when you most needed it…then you are always running with an empty cup.
And no matter how loving and caring your parents or care takers have been with you after that…it didn’t really compensate that lack.
And the shitty thing, honey, (excuse my French) is that you can’t just get over it by will power.
This sucks. I know. It’s that hamster’s wheel I’ve been telling you about here.
I’ve been in it for as long as I can remember. I had some great insights, I evolved a lot, I became more aware, more conscious.
I don’t blame it on anyone anymore. That’s a huuuuge step. I am grateful for my evolution, for how much I’ve learned in the last 10 years.
But…I’ve noticed I can’t get over it. It’s there. That feeling, that physical deep rooted feeling of “I am not enough, I am not loved and I don’t deserve to be loved” it’s guiding me even when I think I am on the right track.
“The Biology of Love” and “Life Before Birth”
Recently I discovered the books of Dr. Arthur Janov on Primal Therapy. I am still reading “The Biology of Love” and “Life before birth”, I am half way through them.
The theory demonstrated by years of practice with thousands of patients is that the events that occur in our womb life and in the first 1-2 years of our lives are building our brains and modeling our personality long before we learn to speak.
It’s mind blowing and it makes perfect sense. At least for me, from my experience so far.
I’ve been trying so many therapies, from the classical psychoanalytical to the Osho inspired meditations, trance dance, 5 rhythms and many more.
I’ve learned a lot about my self, I’ve had many great insights.
I understood how and why I have a fucked up emotional system. I am more aware now so I don’t fall into drama so quickly and so badly as before. I have written more about this here.
However, recent events showed me that all that I have done so far is a little bit… useless. And reading Dr. Janov’s books seems to have finally brought up the missing link. So far.
My View on Dr. Janov’s Books
Let’s say, that for whatever reasons, you didn’t receive the loving attention in those critical periods of your early development. Then you started your life on this earth with the imprint that “I am not wanted” and “I don’t deserve being loved”.
An imprint is like a software downloaded in your system that molds your brain and your whole body without even knowing it.
Because it happened before you had the cortex developed, before having the language, you have no idea that it exists.
So all the therapies that talk to this younger and more evolved brain are just making things a bit more bearable. But that’s it. There is no true healing.
It’s like you are living your life always busy to keep a ball underwater. You can’t really function normally because you have this undercurrent activity always going on in your body and in your unconscious mind.
You know it. You feel it. It’s imprinted in the cells of your body.
A Different Perspective on Addictions
Then you might be equally addicted to those feelings of “I am not lovable and I don’t deserve to be loved”as a drug addict is attracted by it’s daily dose.
You have no vices, you don’t smoke, you don’t do drugs, you are not a sex addict, you don’t watch TV anymore, you don’t a have a drinking problem, you don’t have issues with food or your body weight.
You have no visible, tangible addiction. But, you drug has been developed in your brain.
It’s like your brain is the dealer and the consumer in the same time. It is your addiction to the pain and suffering caused by your failed relationships.
It’s the way your body wants to heal that initial pain. And you can’t do a f***g thing about it using your willpower.
All you can do now, after years of self development, is to cry a healthy cry of despair and frustration that you are still on the hamster’s wheel.
And not to blame it on the person that has triggered this in you. Yes, you are a more conscious and aware hamster. But you are still like that hamster in the same wheel.
Is there hope?
Reading Dr. Janov’s books I’ve found out about all the patients that have finally healed themselves through his therapy. So maybe that would be a way, who knows?
Edison tried and failed 10000 times before he made the light bulb working.
So you are concerned that your life is passing by, that you might die tomorrow and you still didn’t make the light bulb of your life shine.
But, you dust yourself off and move on asking for solutions.
So in order to end in an optimistic way let’s ask the Universe:
What does it have to happen for me and you to release the negative imprints and replace them with positive ones? And what else is possible?