What To Do When You Think You're Not Good Enough

4 Things To Do When You Think:”I Am Not Good Enough”

Every time I want to do something out of my comfort zone, a new project, a new course idea, a new article…whatever it is, I hear this whispering, sometimes yelling voice inside my head that tells me:

“You are not good enough to do this!”and the other versions like:

“Who are You to do this project?”

“What if everyone will see that You are a fraud?”

“There are so many other people better and smarter than You!”

Many times this voice was so strong that it paralysed me from even trying something new.

How The “I Am Not Good Enough” Voice Is Killing Your New Ideas

This is how it goes for me: I have a new, brilliant Idea, get really excited about it, then if I don’t start working on it immediately it ends up in the graveyard of “Super-Brilliant Ideas That Died Before Birth”. Killed by the “I-Am-Not-Good-Enough” Voices. (Let’s keep a moment of silence in their memory. Just kidding.)

Joke aside, I believe there are billions of graveyards like mine in the heads of the people like me, affected by the “I am not good enough” Voice.

If You’ve ever had this paralysing Voice-thought, You know how it feels. It sucks. (pardon my French)

The thing, is the “I am not good enough” Voice is surrounded by many other backing-vocals.  They sometimes trick us into thinking it’s something else that’s sabotaging us. Don’t let yourself be deluded though.

When Is This “Bad Seed” Implanted In Our Mind?

For sure, we are not born with the idea “I am not good enough”.

I don’t know the exact moment when this seed was planted in my mind, but it must have happened in early childhood (almost all psychological researchers agree on the importance of the first 3 years of our lives nowadays). It’s probably partly related to the constant fighting and conflicting energy between my parents. And to the fact that we were always living under the menacing spectrum of “not enough money”. And to a million other factors that eventually shaped me into who I am today, there is no use to dwell on them anymore.

I like to think of these factors as the mud that nourished the lotus of my current personality.

So instead of going backwards and getting stuck in the past, I started asking another question:

This lead me to a more practical, positive and useful approach.

I’ve been through loads of personal development work, from classical therapy to alternative, holistic therapies and a lot of reading-therapy. I’ve also surrounded my self with people who support me and challenge me to go beyond my limits.

Through the years I’ve done some progress, but I still feel like I am running at 30-50% of my full capacity. I feel like I am afraid to shine and have success, because “Who am I to be successful?” (the Voice in my head runs like an old damaged vinyl record.)

Get Help From The Masters : Geshe Michael Roach and Eckhart Tolle

The most recent breakthrough I had was after reading the book “The Diamond Cutter” by Geshe Michael Roach, and after re-reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

“The Diamond Cutter” explains in very simple terms the ancient tibetan theory of the seeds planted in our minds, not only in childhood but continuously, throughout our lives. And there is also the concept of “lack of meaning”: everything and everyone in our lives is “void of sense” until we give it one, based on the previous implanted seeds. And the process through which we can remove the bad seeds and plant new ones, is based on calming the mind through daily meditation, practicing mindfulness and making conscious actions in the direction we want to go.

“The Power of Now” is also giving very practical tools to be mindful and in the Now. Two of them are conscious, deep breathing and feeling the “inner body”, the energy the keeps us alive and that can be felt when we are fully present. It also states that every time we allow ourselves to fall into the pitfalls of a negative energy field, we pollute the world around, the collective psyche and the psyches of every person we come in contact with.

We can feel this every time we come across a person that is deeply suffering, being angry or resentful. On the other side, there is the good news: every time you manage to keep yourself into a state of peaceful, loving energy you contribute to the rise of the collective psyche and you have a healing effect on the persons you come across.

In the past, one of the backing voices of my choir would say: “So what if You are feeling low, or angry, or sad? It’s your right to feel like this and none of anyone’s business!” And that made me feel more disconnected from the world around, kidding myself that my negative thoughts were limited to my physical body only.

(I am not implying that we should deny or hide under the carpet of positive affirmations our negative emotions. That’s not healthy. Sometimes we need to vent, to express, to get it all out when we are facing some very  disturbing events. But there is also another way, one that actually makes this venting obsolete, because you do not allow the bad seeds to grow anymore. Read on.)

Since I’ve realised the importance of the seeds I plant in my mind every second and every minute of each day, both for my well-being and of those around me, I started becoming more aware of their constant whining in the back of my head.

This vision of the impact that my inner state has on the whole world has given me a new perspective. It made me realise I am not just a tiny speck in an infinite Universe. I am way more than that. And You are too. We all are. Every one of us.

So the next time you notice some sneaky-bastard Voice whispering in the back of your head “You are not good enough” try doing this.

The 2 Questions To Raise Your Awareness

It all comes down to these 2 questions I now ask my self throughout the day:

“What are you bringing in the world Now?”

“What seeds are you planting in your mind Now?”

Are you adding to the mental pollution or you are making the world around a cleaner, more loving space?

And that makes me aware that I have a choice. A choice I have to make over and over again, throughout my day. I’ve noticed it is easier when I follow these steps.

 The 4 Simple Steps To Deal With The Inner Saboteur

1. become aware when the thought arrises (the Voice stating a “I am not good enough” type of thought)

2. observe the thought while breathing deeply, noticing the reactions in my physical body

3. not react to it or giving it energy in any way: not rejecting it and not adding similar thoughts either

4. watch it dissolve.

So this is how I deal nowadays with the sneaky-voices-choir called “I am not good enough”.

How are you facing this sabotaging voice? What’s your secret resource? Share in the comments.

With all my love,

Raluca

P.S. If you are in Bucharest on the 8-9 september 2014 you have the opportunity to see Geshe Michael Roach live. For more details click here  

P.P.S. Here’s a short video with Geshe Michael Roach talking about the upcoming event in Bucharest

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